There is an abundance of information online about dealing with divorce and your young children and teenagers. But what about your adult children? There is a lot less information out there about how to approach this situation.
The reason for this is probably because most people assume that adults will not be as affected by their parents getting a divorce. This probably far from the truth for most people. In fact, many adults are just as affected by their parents divorce as they would have been if they were teenagers or young children.
Needless to say, divorce can still be a very challenging part of life for adults. Your adult children will still need to adjust to a new family and traditions. This can result in varying degrees of success if it is not approached correctly.
Only You Know Your Child
Yes, they may be an adult, but they’re still technically your child even if they no longer fall under your responsibility.
Since you probably know your children best, then only you know how to best present the news to them. Would they do better with you telling them sooner or later? In person or over the phone? You get the idea. Treat them as adults but be aware of their personal feelings.
Give thought to the best way to present the news of a divorce to each individual. Just because your children are now adults does not mean that they will be accepting of the situation.
Be Cautious About What Information You Share
You may not be able to precisely predict how your adult children will react, but you should have a basic idea of how you think they will. And with that in mind, you will want to be cautious about how much information you choose to share with them.
Remember that you are also entitled to your own privacy. This means that if there’s anything you want to keep a secret for now, you are not entitled to tell them. That’s also not to mention that your adult children may pass on information you tell them, which means you should be extra careful about what you choose to share and what you choose to keep to yourself.
Do Not Lean Onto Your Children For Support
Your adult children are still your children, and you are still their parent. Your children also do not understand the full dynamics or specifics of what’s happening. Although you were all family, your relationship with your ex-spouse was separate from your relationship with your children. Be aware of how you express your opinion about your ex-spouse. Negative comments about them or your marriage could adversely affect your relationship with your child.
As a result of these things, you shouldn’t be going to them for support and counsel. If that’s what you need, then you can seek the assistance of a professional divorce counselor.
Be A Role Model
Ask yourself this question: if your own parents underwent a divorce, how would you want them to act? Chances are you would want them to be a role model for you, and that’s exactly what you will want to emulate for your adult children.
Demonstrate maturity, don’t break down in tears every time you talk about the divorce, display empathy for your spouse, don’t fight with your spouse in front of your kids, and try to make the divorce as amicable as you possibly can.